I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
