Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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