So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
