please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
