Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
