I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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