Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
