so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you didnt know i had herpes?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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