ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
