he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
