let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
