its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
