You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
