I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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