Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
