I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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