every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize