Little spoons don't ask big questions
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
