none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
