foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
