Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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