Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
