Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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