He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
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