Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we're making bets on your personal life
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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