Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
