maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
