the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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