you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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