Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
