I heard we made out
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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