I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
