There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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