that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
