So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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