now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
