Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
