If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
