What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
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