I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
