I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
When did angry sex become our thing?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
