Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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