So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
