I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
