Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
