man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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