I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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