Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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