she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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