Got a toothbrush?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
