I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
