even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So much rum. So many feels.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
