I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I have tasted many bathrooms
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
