I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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