me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
