it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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