just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I can't turn off my feet"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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