I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
