I wish I could teleport
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
