you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
