Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Come on in and take your pants off
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