We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
