The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
