Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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