Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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