Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I wannas sexs uuuuu
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
