Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
