bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
That accounts for only three of the penises
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
