I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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