it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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