She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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