my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
