i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
