I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
please don't ironically join a cult
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