Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he shaved USA in his pubs
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
