You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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