It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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