Rock
Scissors
Fuck
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
