at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
fuck your aforementioned shoe
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
