a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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