You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
