your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
