Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
