Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
look no pants
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
