Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
