Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
