That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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