I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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