Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
