what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
