They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
