11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
