Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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