somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
