I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
