From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I have already put on my inside pants.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize