I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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