he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
