Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
