Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
