My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
