Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize