she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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