she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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