So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
