Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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